Sex Lives of Wives

Are you tempted to cheat on your mate?

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal (Personal Journal – Work & Family, “‘Honey, I’m Thinking of Having an Affair’: Therapists Advise Confessing Temptation,” by Sue Shellenbarger, Oct. 26, 2006) advocates that the current prevailing wisdom of couples and sex therapists is to admit to one’s spouse that they are contemplating having an affair. Supposedly the admission prior to the act will often quash the urge before it is carried out and ultimately bring the couple closer. Also advised in the article is to admit an affair within 24 hours of its occurrence. This advice will be surprising to the many that have written to me about the troubles in their marriages that resulted from just such admissions. Mistrust, pain, anger, hurt, insecurity, and filing for divorce – these are the common responses from spouses that have been told (by their mate) they were cheated on or even just told that their mate is considering cheating. So what is the reason for the difference in the real life results and what the experts suggest will happen if one is open and honest about their affair or contemplation of an affair? Do you think this “new” advice to quickly confess temptation (or after an actual affair) has merit? Will the couple ever be the same again after such admissions? What do you think? What is your experience? Please click on “Comment” below or for confidential comments, as always, you may safely email me directly at holly@passionseekers.com. For some further insight into this topic, check out Jessie and Carla’s stories in Sex Lives of Wives.

Improving Passion with Products?

A new over-the-counter drug from the UK called “Scentuelle” is making headlines (check out www.cbs11tv.com 11-06-06). This patch is to be worn on the wrist and gives off a scent that mimics the chemical in the brain (dopamine) which is supposed to trigger sexual energy and make you feel good. Sounds a little too good to be true! If you or anyone you know has tried Scentuelle, please email me and tell me what you think (either click on “Comment” below or email me directly at holly@passionseekers.com .

I for one am very skeptical. People are always looking externally for a quick fix when so often the “fix” needs to be within them. Remember the stories of Jessie and Carla in my book Sex Lives of Wives – they discovered that much of the malaise in their sex life with their mate was in fact due to their own attitude. Sometimes a deep look within to rediscover the passion is necessary, but often all that is needed are simple get-your-mind-in-the-game techniques that can quickly rev up your sexual appetite (like the ones I often recommend). Attitude is key. To improve and adjust our attitude, we must first remember the benefits – not for our mate – but the benefits to our own psyche when we seek to meet our innate sexual needs. Our confidence is boosted, stress is relieved, intimacy in our relationship increases, and it feels GREAT.

Passion Pointers - 5 Quick Tips to Use Today!

Make passion a priority again and you will reap the healthy benefits of a fun, intimate, and sexy relationship! Here are five quick tips to try today:

1. Be playful with your mate all day long. Sexual overtures aside – this means have some fun – play, tease, wrestle – lighten it up again!

2. Tell your mate a bedtime story. Seriously! Tuck him (or her) in tight – tightly next to you that is and tell him a story about the first time you made love together, or a fantasy encounter, or whatever mood-creating-get-your-mind-in-the-game story you can think of and soon you will not just be telling him but acting it out as well!

3. When was the last time you flirted with your mate? Light-hearted flirtatious banter can brighten the day, raise self-esteem and strengthen the marriage bonds. But remember it is not just what you say but how you say it – upbeat tone, positive body language, and full of merry expression.

4. Plan a Bedroom Date Night – Do not spend the money and time going out. Instead create a themed date in your bedroom, e.g. a tropical night with coconut massage oil, Caribbean mood music, etc. - and then SEDUCE him/her.

5. Try a new risky adventure together – sign up for or plan some type of risky or seemingly risky activity that you can learn and do together – something that takes you out of your comfort zone, e.g. scuba diving, hang gliding, salsa dancing. The adrenaline rush will produce a natural high that can quickly ignite the passion flame.

Have you had success with any of the above? Do you have a funny or inspiring story as a result of your passion enhancing efforts? Then please share for the benefit of others by posting your comment below or as many prefer, email me directly (and confidentially) at holly@passionseekers.com.